Silence vs. Violence: How Conflict Styles Shape Work and Life
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how people handle conflict. đź’
Not just because our world is full of it….
It’s a topic close to my heart in my life, and work, because “dealing with conflict” is a typical reason I will be brought into work with a team.
Conflict is everywhere. Thoughtful discussion is not.
Often, the loudest voices dominate. Based on Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (Patterson, Genny, McMillan & Switzler), people tend to engage in conflict through Silence or Violence—either withdrawing or overpowering.
Over time, I’ve realized my default is withdrawal and avoidance. It feels safer. With age I’ve built a defence to step back and not expend the energy.
For others like me, however, it also means that only the angriest voices fill the space that’s left behind.
At work, this might look like a team where most people stay silent, while a few vocal frustrations make it seem like everyone is upset.
The challenge is in finding the balance.
It requires people prone to controlling, labelling and attacking learning to be more reflective of their behaviours and impacts on others.
But often, that won’t work, so then it requires those who practice silence finding ways to assert their contributions in a measured way.
So I wonder…
🗣️ How do our communication styles shape our workplaces, relationships, and society and do most people actually care how they are impacting others?
🔊 Whose voices are most likely to be heard?
💡 How can we create space for measured, thoughtful discussion 👇 What are your experiences?
Theresa Bailey is a bestselling author and the exclusive North American provider of Play Doh Power Solutions Corporate Training.
