Culling Your Circle

This image popped up on my social media memories today – I shared it four years ago.

I think I’ve learned with age (and wisdom) that it really is ok to make your circle smaller if it means having only the people around you who support you.

It’s also ok to replace the weak links with new people, ones that ACTUALLY want you to succeed.

I share this, because it comes up often in workshops, especially with women.

For so many there is this sense of obligation to keep humouring people who, out of their own insecurities or self-sabotage, can’t be happy for us. They create guilt for us, and this guilt holds people back.

Simplistic, perhaps, but I believe there are four kinds of people.

Cheerleaders – These people lift you up. they might be honest and give you constructive feedback, but they feel your victories as their own. These are the ones who share your name in rooms of opportunities when you aren’t there. Prime circle people, and they are often in many circles because they just like to see people succeed.

Quiet Admirers – These people support you but aren’t necessarily vocal about it. They keep quiet, and that’s ok. These are often the people who corner you somewhere, or send you a DM, and say that they are proud of you, that your work has meant something to them. Good circle people but sometimes you don’t know they are there.

Haters – These are the people who are outwardly negative and not afraid to share it. While I can’t imagine living like this, at least they are honest. They were never in your circle but at least you know that. They can find their own circles.

Posers– Perhaps the most dangerous and detrimental, these are the ones who pose as friends but in the background, they are negative, or they leave chirpy veiled attacks on social media. They will use you to their advantage, but not only would they not bring you up in a room of opportunities, they would ridicule you to be sure you didn’t have opportunities. Sometimes you think they are cheerleaders, but they always show their true colours eventually. Cull them.

The bottom line – choose your circle wisely. Be a good member of someone else’s circle. Don’t feel bad about cleaning house, because you deserve to be lifted, not dragged. When you do the same for others — watch your world and opportunities expand.